Embracing Your Pleasure: Navigating the Female Orgasm and Self-Exploration

Hey there, lovely readers! I’m Rachel Overvoll, your go-to guide on a journey toward greater connection and pleasure. As a Somatic Sex Coach, my mission revolves around helping individuals deepen their relationship with their bodies and amplify their sense of pleasure. Now, you might be wondering, why am I putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard)? Well, it’s simple. Whenever women discover what I do, the floodgates of questions open, and the topic that consistently takes center stage—orgasms. So, consider this blog post a candid and informative exploration into the world of pleasure, body connection, and the burning inquiries that often arise. Let’s dive in together!

In a world that often whispers about the elusive female orgasm, it’s not uncommon for women to feel a sense of shame or inadequacy if they haven’t experienced this form of pleasure. The truth is, every woman’s journey to orgasm is unique, and there’s no one-size-fits-all formula. In this blog, we’ll explore the concept of female shame surrounding orgasms, debunk some myths and discuss how to embark on a journey of self-exploration to discover what brings you pleasure.

The first step towards dismantling the stigma surrounding female orgasms is breaking the silence. Many women feel ashamed or embarrassed to discuss their experiences, creating an unnecessary barrier to understanding and self-acceptance. It’s crucial to recognize that every woman’s body is different, and what works for one may not work for another. By opening up conversations about pleasure and sharing experiences, we can empower one another to embrace our unique sexual journeys.

Before delving into self-exploration, it’s essential to dispel some common myths that contribute to the shame associated with female orgasms. The first prevalent myth is that an orgasm is the sole indicator of sexual satisfaction. In reality, pleasure comes in various forms, and an orgasm is just one aspect of the intricate tapestry of sexuality. In fact, the healthiest way to approach sex is to experience pleasure not a goal of orgasm. This approach takes away any pressure and allows your body to fall into a pleasure-fueled experience. The experience of sex is a holistic experience, not a 10-second goal. Allowing your body to be present in pleasure will increase your sexual satisfaction every time. Plus, when you take the pressure off of orgasm they typically come easily and organically.

The second popular myth is the idea that women should reach orgasm solely through penetrative sex. In fact, 81.6% of women don’t orgasm from intercourse alone (without additional clit stimulation). According to a study on “Women’s Experiences With Genital Touching, Sexual Pleasure, and Orgasm: Results From a U.S. Probability Sample of Women Ages 18 to 94,” only 18.4% of women report that intercourse alone is sufficient to orgasm. The truth is, many women require either solely clitoral stimulation or a combination of clitoral and vaginal stimulation to reach orgasm. Understanding and communicating your needs with your partner can play a crucial role in cultivating a satisfying sexual experience.

The third myth I often hear is more commonly articulated as a fear: “I just take too long.” This myth about the capabilities of the body holds your orgasm captive through pressure to perform. And pressure will always kill the pleasure. The Journal of Sexual Medicine states that women take an average of 13.4 minutes to orgasm, during partnered vaginal sex. The more focus you have on taking too long, the more out of the moment you are. For orgasm to be reached, presence in the current moment, sensations in the body, and pleasure traveling through you, are requirements.

Now, let’s shift the focus to the empowering journey of self-exploration. Understanding your own body and what brings you pleasure is a fundamental aspect of embracing your sexuality. Start by creating a safe and comfortable space for self-discovery. This might involve setting aside dedicated time, dimming the lights, and ensuring you won’t be interrupted.

Begin by getting to know your body through touch. Explore different erogenous zones, paying close attention to how your body responds. The clitoris, often referred to as the epicenter of female pleasure, is a great place to start. Experiment with different types of touch, pressures and rhythms to understand what feels best for you. If you need additional ideas check out my blog on pleasure mapping.

Masturbation is a powerful tool for self-discovery and liberation. Yet, societal taboos often cast a shadow on this natural and healthy practice. It’s essential to understand that masturbation is a normal part of human sexuality and can contribute to improved sexual satisfaction. In fact, licensed psychologist Natalie Stroupe claims in her study, “How difficult is too difficult? The relationships among women’s sexual experience and attitudes, difficulty with orgasm, and perception of themselves as orgasmic or anorgasmic,” that women most often have their first orgasm through masturbation.

Experiment with various techniques during masturbation, incorporating both external and internal stimulation, varying rhythms and pressures. Consider introducing sex toys into your exploration, as they can provide additional sensations and insights into your preferences. This is my favorite toy for clitoral stimulation and a great starter toy, too!

Effective communication is key to cultivating a satisfying sexual relationship, whether you’re in a long-term partnership or exploring new connections. Share your desires, fantasies and boundaries with your partner, and encourage them to do the same. Creating an open and non-judgmental dialogue can lead to a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and desires.

Remember that sexual satisfaction is a collaborative effort, and both partners play an active role in creating a fulfilling experience. Be patient with yourself and your partner as you navigate this journey together.

The path to embracing and understanding your own pleasure is a personal and ongoing journey. By breaking the silence surrounding female orgasms, dispelling myths, and engaging in self-exploration, women can reclaim their sexuality and experience a sense of empowerment. Let go of the shame, celebrate your uniqueness, and embrace the beautiful diversity of female pleasure. Remember, your journey is valid, and you deserve to experience pleasure on your terms.

For more tips, check out Rachel Overoll on Instagram.